Category: archive

Posted on

15.03.20 — (nobody lies you when you’re) twenty-three

okay, it’s been a few months since my turning twenty-three.

and in my head this was a silly post, though it’s not really.

many things have changed, most for worse. (only thing for better is that I have completed my undergraduate degree, even if not all of I wanted it to be.)

okay, another thing that is ‘for better’ is that I am now my mother’s website manager. so, I may be archiving this (and a number of posts) soon. (she has never read my writings at all, and I never planned on her reading any of them.)

i’ll admit, most of my posts have been drunken as of the past few years (including now), but in truth i have a certain familiarity with this platform (especially the free version). one day i’ll update my own site properly. maybe.

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escapism 101: ⌜FLIGHT⌟

asleep
aboard some airplane

waking up,
seated
beside some
stranger. no —

more familiar than
that. someone
misplaced

by memory.

an icebreaker hesaysmy
father killed himself.
when i was twelve.
recollection of

catching up on I
used to set fires.
burned my home to the ground when i was
.
conversations never had.
a strange affinity

a reminder of this flight’s destination.
of past events that led to this.

+a connection
like
no other

lost
forever.

this is the text-only version of the short comic/zine, “FLIGHT”

Posted on

The Lamb & the Judas Goat

One after the
Other we fall

Down

Down

Down
Following

Your voice
Following
Everything

(Without question?)

Always with question
Always knowing better we
Hold. Our. Tongue.

One after the
Other we fall

Down

Down

Down.         
    
To dishwater
To floorboards
To quicksand
. To .

Make.
Good.
On.
Your.
Word.

Oneaftertheother
we                 fall

                   Down

Down

Down
.

I suppose.

this is the price we pay
for a taste of

(     sentimentality    )

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eulogy for a lamb

—

naive
eyes wide
look                               look away look                   look
away.
lied so convincingly
    grit your teeth
bit your tongue

i bit my tongue so hard my teeth became
the guillotine .

Posted on

photography – 29.03.2021

and here we have.    this display of.                                       .-this-.

one book.

     one note.

          one site.

               one page.

                    one        whole       collection.

mutually assured                                                                    Demolition

                                                                                                  Perpetuation

one whole collection

tucked              .between.             coversof

purehaze                 …                morningfog

and all for

the useless drain

            we never could get anywhere

from here

but down

then oscillate

—   

and it never ends

.until.

this sweet carbon-monoxide lullaby

sing me to sleep

tucked between covers of

despondent.

drags straight

back up

to embers.

and we surface again

and it’s a head-lining tragedy

………….

if you’re successful enough

if you’re sick enough

you know i used  …   to wish                                                                                                                                                   i could

But  -then-   i was foolish                                                                                                                                    now i’m just at the threshold                                                                                                                                                                                           …

how terrible-y romantic

how cold-pale-waxy blue

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hairtrigger

3.2.1.

we meet again at midnight.

swerve. crash. bang.

can’t promise any good beyond that.

can’t promise there won’t be fire either.

send the phantoms just in case

i fade again at midnight.

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a fall (the philosophical significance is it doesn’t fucking matter. whether or not it made a sound. it didn’t make a difference. it doesn’t make a difference.)

i think. i don’t quite know.

i wonder if, you’d wonder the same.

you don’t. you and i both know that.

i can see you pass me by.

two cars, headed straight on.

never crashing.

i never crash.

i never even turn the lane

to meet you at the concrete barrier.

not for more than a passing moment.

forgettable moment.

i think, it’s all quite strange.

i think, the sounds of the world

they drown me out.

i let them drown me out.

still i cling to small things like this

to drown the world out.

still i find you

you do the opposite.

you’re so silent and i’m so silent.

but you’re so great and i’m so

i don’t. i’m not here.

but it’s all over again, really.

i know just how this story ends.

i knew right from the moment

when i took the book off the shelf.

i’d seen the plot play out before

it’s become a cliche by now.

our pages split down the middle

blur only with stormwater

and even then, rarely.

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confessions of a narcissist

i

can’t do jack shit

i

was born to lose

i

can’t fucking do this anymore.

somewhere along the line, we deluded ourselves. we were destined for greatness.

of fucked-up distress-fueled glory.

oh how wrong we were to think / / / that immortality was ever an option.

i. end.

bang. / / / bang.

(youknowiwont)

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